A child of darkness

It’s insane the things we do not know, the things we are not taught about our own very selves.

It was day 5, and I casually flowed into an exploration of my sensuality.

As a person, your sensuality is a very valuable thing to have, it is precious, it is innately the best expression of your femininity.

I discovered it and I flowed into channeling it sexually, and suddenly, I started getting ideas, I started plotting an escape.

Because, if I have this power why then do I have to go through so much.

I saw this force, this energy transform my mindset in real time that I almost didn’t even submit a day 6 of my 21 days journey of self discovery/exploration.

I tried to tell myself that it was what I knew best how to be, why waste my time trying so hard.

I even opened an all access page, I spent my day dancing, channeling and watching all the girls who have been before.

I made videos of myself, and then I realized that the plot had once again begun to change.

I have a goal, I have my 21 days planned out, not exactly, because it’s an unraveling.

However, what I know very well is the direction in which it is supposed to go, not the one I started to explore.

This experience with my sensuality intoxicated me and slowed me down and almost tried to get me to escape instead of carefully continuing to build an exit like I was already doing.

I called Korede.

After a talk with Korede, I snapped back into my senses and I picked up my camera and did my entry for today, if you watched it, that was the laziest one yet.

Korede introduced me to an idea of setting goals that I actually devote myself to, and I realized that, it was what I was doing all along with the 21 days mind maintenance, he told me to divide the goals into “realistic goals and unrealistic goals”

Reaching enlightenment and balance is my realistic goal, and being a porn star is not even a goal at all, but it was at some point between Friday and Saturday, a goal.

So, I will put it in for unrealistic goals.

The experience was a glitch and a result of the clutter I told you my mind was in but in a slower motion.

This is the whole point, and we know that this is ruled out already.

There is a piece I even wrote.

I turned it into a creative idea, when I put it out, I will let you know.

And, there’s an art I outlined in my journal inspired by this, when I get my hand on resources, I will show you.

My ultimate goal is to find balance, between my shadow self, and my self but it looks like she likes to come out and play, a lot.

Although, I’m happy to know I can wield her, when I want, not like I have not always known my feminine energy, it’s just that, yesterday I saw her express herself and I saw what she could do in real time.

The climax is integration and slowly and slowly we’re closer.

Lesson: The shadow self is powerful and seductive, but when you consciously wield her energy instead of letting it take over, it becomes an ally in the journey toward balance and integration.

Yours Divine.